July 2011
3 posts
June 2011
1 post
The Many Faces of Ron Swanson
Drunk Ron Swanson is this year’s Halloween costume. But since I’m black, everyone will probably just think I’m Danny Glover.
azizisbored:
Wow. Well done.
flyingscotsman:
March 2011
1 post
Sady Doyle: With Much Love to Lovely Friends Who... →
sadydoyle:
I dislike any critique of a famous woman that boils down to “she seems too perfect!” Because that just seems like women revolting against the beauty standard and/or the expectation that we’ll all be perfect little dolls with no inconvenient needs or feelings. But it doesn’t have anything to do…
WOAH.
February 2011
2 posts
Dem Bitches Be Drankin': Alcoholism is hard... →
boozybones:
As it would turn out, even a project that revolves entirely around drinking is still too difficult for us to get started. Since the inception two months ago of Dem Bitches Be Drankin’ (and yes, that title is still funny to us), said Bitches have been out drankin scarcely enough times to count on…
I promise we’re going to start soon! I just wish there was a bar that...
December 2010
2 posts
SVU-in' it all damn day
This girl is like, 20 and fucking cool as balls. Basically I think this because she is exactly like me, but then I get bummed out because she is cool as balls four years ahead of of me and I hate it when people do shit better than I do it.
janebook:
i’m five days into winter break and already i don’t know what to do with myself. there are only so many hours in the day i can fill with olivia...
Dem Bitches Be Drankin': GENESIS (as in beginning,... →
boozybones:
One fateful evening not long ago (read: last Wednesday) Jordin and Fai were enjoying a couple of late night libations at Amante in North Beach. “Fai,” Jordin said to her tiny counterpart, delicately sipping a finely crafted dirty martini, “I very much enjoy our weekly get togethers here at Amante,…
I started a new blog with a tiny Asian! We are going to get drunk and then...
August 2009
1 post
CHECK IT.
note: when the boy you like rises from your bed the next morning and asks you to come have dim sum, the answer that comes out of your mouth should be “yes.” even if you don’t want dim sum, even if you want a fat burger and a milkshake, even if you don’t particularly want to go outside at all because it is hot and you are hungover and you smell kind of weird and it’s...
June 2009
3 posts
"Do you ever just.. lie?"
"For the hell of it?"
"Um, not really for the HELL of it but... not really for a reason either."
"I'm... not sure."
"Well, ok I'll give you an example - the other day someone asked me if I wanted an apple and I said I was allergic and one summer when I was a kid an apple chunk in my fruit salad had been overlooked--it was hidden underneath a strawberry--and when I ate it I went into like, SEVERE anaphylactic shock and almost died. So no thank you, I would not like an apple."
"That's insane!"
"No, it's not. It's not true."
"What?"
"Yeah, it's not true. I just said that."
"Why?"
"Remember when I told you the reason I'm not into dating right now is because I don't want anymore people knowing my stories?"
"Yeah..."
"As soon as they asked me if I wanted an apple I just flashed on that. All of a sudden I felt extremely protective of my fruit preference like it was my goddamn most embarrassing moment from second grade or something. (shrug) So I lied."
"I still don't think I'm getting this--were you one a date?"
"No."
"So what did it matter?"
"I don't know."
"Ok, I get the whole thing about you not wanting to tell your story but you could have easily just said 'No'."
"Ehh. That's boring."
yes, well
so i’ve been seeing this dude for a few weeks and last night decided to break up with him basically because he is lame and i am awesome. i did not say this during said break up, but i’m pretty sure he knew that was the reason. he came over after work bearing spinach knishes that his mother made. the knishes i can get behind, but the 31 year old man still living with his jewish mother...
maddietakesthestairs:
There are some days when I am overwhelmingly sad because I feel like I have too much love and nobody who is ready to take it. It becomes so heavy, taking up so much space in my chest that it crawls up my throat and out my eyes and some of it falls onto the pillows or my sleeve, but the rest gets sucked back into my pores and recycles itself for the next big wave.
May 2009
2 posts
jordin: do you know anything about classic hollywood? like, the 20's and 30's?
emily: um, a little?
jordin: i want to get into it, try it on for size, but i don't know where to begin
jordin: and getting to know anything i know is just like...you watch one thing and it inspires or intrigues you in some way, and you just branch out from there. like, i remember when i was 12, i did a report on queen elizabeth I and she was so interesting, i learned everything about her, which turned into learning everything about the elizabethan age in general, which turned into studying henry VIII and all his crazy shit
jordin: and to this day, i'm still totally fascinated by all of that
jordin: but now, when i find myself interested in something, i get really overwhelmed by how much there is to know about it
jordin: and it makes me nervous and then i don't want to know about it anymore
jordin: which is why i haven't learned anything new in like, 4 years
emily: oh man i know exactly what you mean
jordin: there's just so much to know about everything!
emily: actually, i get nervous because i feel the more i know about one thing, the less i know about so many other things
emily: if that makes sense
emily: but yea i get you
jordin: that totally makes sense
emily: theres so much to everything, everything has its own private universe
emily: craziness
jordin: the less time you have to devote to knowing other things
jordin: something that you might like more
emily: yes
jordin: what if you spend your time learning something new, and you totally miss out on this other thing that was way more interesting
emily: precisely
emily: its so unnverving!
jordin: but it's all so stupid. i mean, knowledge is knowledge and it's all so fucking cool the things we don't know about. which is really easy to say, i'm real good at reason in theory
jordin: but when it comes to practice, i'm a big ol' puss
emily: youre totally right
emily: its so fun to just explore random shit
emily: and everything connects
jordin: we need to start a club or something. knowledge club!
jordin: where everyone just tells everyone shit
jordin: which i guess is just a friendship
emily: hahahahaha
jordin: but if we call it a club we could make t-shirts
emily: hahaha
emily: friendship club
emily: "dropping knowledge on each other because we're tight"
we are best friends
sammy: entertain me
jordin: Auto-reply: omg wtf edward cullen
jordin: can't, dying
jordin: also, i hate you
sammy: you're a cunt
sammy: the day is perfectly gloomy and i am stuck in here
jordin: wah wah wah
jordin: what did you dummies watch last night?
sammy: we ended up just watching a couple episodes of alias cuz billy's been wanting to
jordin: that's right, i always forget you have a dyke boner for alias
sammy: yeah, so what of it?
jordin: CALM DOWN
jordin: some dude i used to bone just IMed me. first he said hey, i said hey. he asked how are you? i replied i'm pretty sick, but getting better. he responded with "did i ever tell you my two braggadocious sex stories as of late?"
jordin: with his dumbass girlfriend
jordin: and i said no
jordin: and while in the process of saying, and i'm pretty sure i'd rather not hear about them at this moment
jordin: he gives me these two dumb fuck stories
jordin: that he probably copied and pasted to tell fucking everybody
jordin: cause he's an idiot
sammy: what a douche face
sammy: i hate boys
sammy: they are the dumbest people ever
sammy: why do most of my celebrity boyfriends have girlfriends/fiances/wives?
sammy: how are they ever going to know we are dating if they are caught up with their lives?
jordin: murder
jordin: that will make them pay attention
sammy: you're right
sammy: you give really good advice
jordin: i know
jordin: you're welcome
sammy: when i move to england i am going to become a regular at a bar
sammy: one that is down the street from my house
sammy: and i will go there by myself
sammy: and sit at the bar and drink
sammy: and make friends with the bartender
jordin: that is called being an alcoholic
jordin: you can do that in any country
sammy: no, that is called not having any friends in the country that you live in
jordin: yes, which turns into being an alcoholic
jordin: i'm hungry!
sammy: me too!
jordin: me first!
sammy: umm, no...my status has said "hungry" for at least the past hour
jordin: how lame are you for referencing your status like that
jordin: i live in the real world
jordin: the adult world
jordin: i drink coffee
sammy: which is why you are at work right now...
sammy: oh, wait
jordin: eat my dick, asshat
jordin: i have a disease
sammy: it's called stupid...but i wouldn't consider it a disease
jordin: i can't wait to end your life
jordin: my brother is apparently in town
jordin: i didn't hear this from him
jordin: but from a facebook post from a dude i knew when i was 13
sammy: well, that was nice of him to let you know
jordin: my family hates me because i have pig plague
sammy: well, i don't blame them
jordin: you're the biggest idiot bitch i know
sammy: thank you
jordin: i'm leaving you
sammy: for what?
jordin: for greener pastures
jordin: for less bitchy jews
sammy: what fun is that?
jordin: i guess i'll find out
April 2009
1 post
but i'm not kidding.
jordin: tell me three bands to listen to!
sammy: dr. dog
jordin: you already told me that one
sammy: well shit....ummm...the boxer rebellion
jordin: ....
sammy: computer vs banjo
jordin: ugh. i definitely don't like that name. who names their band computer vs banjo? they must suck
sammy: 2 guys that use a computer and a banjo
jordin: i disagree with their decision.
sammy: do you listen to the dodos?
jordin: sammy, i don't listen to anything
sammy: dodos
sammy: midlake
sammy: fleet foxes
jordin: i actually have that one
sammy: frightened rabbit
jordin: i am getting old cause all these band names are so dumb to me.
jordin: i just want to punch everyone in the face.
sammy: hahahaha
jordin: that's why i like the jonas brothers.
jordin: they are brothers
jordin: and their last name is jonas.
March 2009
1 post
farrell vs pattinson
he is old and sober. i cannot abide.