we are best friends
- sammy: entertain me
- jordin: Auto-reply: omg wtf edward cullen
- jordin: can't, dying
- jordin: also, i hate you
- sammy: you're a cunt
- sammy: the day is perfectly gloomy and i am stuck in here
- jordin: wah wah wah
- jordin: what did you dummies watch last night?
- sammy: we ended up just watching a couple episodes of alias cuz billy's been wanting to
- jordin: that's right, i always forget you have a dyke boner for alias
- sammy: yeah, so what of it?
- jordin: CALM DOWN
- jordin: some dude i used to bone just IMed me. first he said hey, i said hey. he asked how are you? i replied i'm pretty sick, but getting better. he responded with "did i ever tell you my two braggadocious sex stories as of late?"
- jordin: with his dumbass girlfriend
- jordin: and i said no
- jordin: and while in the process of saying, and i'm pretty sure i'd rather not hear about them at this moment
- jordin: he gives me these two dumb fuck stories
- jordin: that he probably copied and pasted to tell fucking everybody
- jordin: cause he's an idiot
- sammy: what a douche face
- sammy: i hate boys
- sammy: they are the dumbest people ever
- sammy: why do most of my celebrity boyfriends have girlfriends/fiances/wives?
- sammy: how are they ever going to know we are dating if they are caught up with their lives?
- jordin: murder
- jordin: that will make them pay attention
- sammy: you're right
- sammy: you give really good advice
- jordin: i know
- jordin: you're welcome
- sammy: when i move to england i am going to become a regular at a bar
- sammy: one that is down the street from my house
- sammy: and i will go there by myself
- sammy: and sit at the bar and drink
- sammy: and make friends with the bartender
- jordin: that is called being an alcoholic
- jordin: you can do that in any country
- sammy: no, that is called not having any friends in the country that you live in
- jordin: yes, which turns into being an alcoholic
- jordin: i'm hungry!
- sammy: me too!
- jordin: me first!
- sammy: umm, no...my status has said "hungry" for at least the past hour
- jordin: how lame are you for referencing your status like that
- jordin: i live in the real world
- jordin: the adult world
- jordin: i drink coffee
- sammy: which is why you are at work right now...
- sammy: oh, wait
- jordin: eat my dick, asshat
- jordin: i have a disease
- sammy: it's called stupid...but i wouldn't consider it a disease
- jordin: i can't wait to end your life
- jordin: my brother is apparently in town
- jordin: i didn't hear this from him
- jordin: but from a facebook post from a dude i knew when i was 13
- sammy: well, that was nice of him to let you know
- jordin: my family hates me because i have pig plague
- sammy: well, i don't blame them
- jordin: you're the biggest idiot bitch i know
- sammy: thank you
- jordin: i'm leaving you
- sammy: for what?
- jordin: for greener pastures
- jordin: for less bitchy jews
- sammy: what fun is that?
- jordin: i guess i'll find out
